30th November, 2015.
Upon returning to Australia from the most incredible and unpredictable journey my life has experienced to date, I have struggled coming to terms with why I am back here. I didn't expect it all to be over so soon, but yes time certainly flies when your on a spontaneous mission of adventure through unknown territory. I guess I was traveling around so fast, I became addicted to moving. I couldn't settle anywhere. I had become so comfortable in transit and sitting still just didn't comprehend. So for some reason I still don't understand, I returned to New Zealand. Maybe I thought visiting the place I was born would help me reconnect with my purpose and I would see a clear direction again. Well no... I became absorbed by a mental low and there didn't seem to be a lot of light around. So yet again I did what I have always been most comfortable doing, I ran... Back to Australia... Back to my Land Rover... Back to the place that once implemented such believe and confidence within myself. Still swimming in the deep end of negativity I acknowledged the fact that yes.. like many, I suffer from depression. After always setting such high expectations of myself it hurts and feels like failure when I don't end up where I envisioned.
Staying with my brother in Bundaberg, I set up a sofa bed and my recording gear in his garage... I begun to draft the demos for many new songs I had written while traveling around North America... I was back to what I do best, making music! Happiness and enthusiasm started to flood back into me and I felt worthy again. It was extremely relieving when I realized how much my songwriting had evolved. This is what it's all about.. The journey... The experience, not where you end up afterwards. I am lucky enough to have an outlet through my music... It's times like now I am so grateful I have been able to pursue and perfect my process towards creating and appreciating art.
The following poem/song is something I wrote recently reflecting on all of this...
Keep The Dream Alive
Delay December
At the end of November
Remember this moment
Before it's gone forever
Where is home? What is life?
I wonder when will sleep come tonight...
Keep the dream alive.
Nostalgic memories of the Places I've been
Sentimentality from the days I've seen
In love with what I've done
Confused with where I am
Trying to pick up the pieces
So I can be strong again...
Keep the dream alive.
Keep the dream alive
You can't go back in time
Focus on where you are
And not where you could be
Stop leaving and start going
Stop dwelling and start doing
Rest abolish and reside
Move on with your life.
Value the memory,
Cherish it dearly
It's too painful wondering what might have been if you had Done things differently...
Believe it was meant to be
Experience is everything
Regrets are mind consuming.
Keep the dream alive.
By Lachlan Grant